Cleaning House

Just more of that Housemaids content you little pigs crave: gross salads, ordering postmates from a celeb's phone, new clients and big hugeeee rags. Hurry on over to your trough, it's feeding time!   As always send your cleaning inquiries, questions, comments, poetry to: Realhousemaids@yahoo.com  And find us on twitter @realhousemaids LEAVE US A REVIEW YOU UNGRATEFUL ANIMALS

You wanted a new episode of housemaids? Well you cant afford us!!! Taxes, nieces, farewells, newly bi clients. It's unclear what topics we actually discuss but one thing's for certain: it's absolutely another episode of Cleaning House Send us your questions and comments NOW you ungrateful pigs!! Realhousemaids@yahoo.com

On the first episode of Season 3, Rag and Sponge attempt to earn back the trust of you, our loyal pigs. Don't worry... we're still maids! Vertigo, listener letters and typically sad slices of life. DO keep in touch you messy piggies! Send your questions and comments to Realhousemaids@yahoo.com  Find us on twitter @realhousemaids

Sponge attempts to get what's hers, Rag gets caught, lesbian stuff, maid hands and as always, more Enjoy Thanksgiving pigs! it may just be your last!! :) send ur questions, comments and bucket pics to: realhousemaids@yahoo.com

Dishwashers, momentous cleaning anniversaries and of course being cucked on this, our 25th ep Enjoy Pigs!  And as always write us at: Realhousemaids@yahoo.com

The third episode of our Housemaids reboot kicks off with a thank you message to our fans!! Sponge has vertigo and Rag commits a shocking crime  Enjoy pigs! Email us your questions or comments at: Realhousemaids@yahoo.com

On this meandering ep, Rag and Sponge talk Lenny Kravitz, their own nightmarishly dirty apartments and the titular phrase every client says when they're about to burn you at the stake: "WHERE'S MY BRACELET?" Steaming hot celeb tid bits runneth over in the second half for our most patient buckets 

Reboot your dyson, Rag and Sponge are back after a four year blackout. They can't remember a thing! For a free consultation email Realhousemaids@yahoo.com

The Housemaids have hijacked an actual undisclosed FM radio station in this weeks censor beep-happy episode. Recorded during the radio dead zone which was the series finale of Breaking Bad and the season premier of Homeland, this loungy episode is best enjoyed in your biggest, comfiest recliner, paired with a 2013 pinot noir. Featuring an on air interview with two of our west coast sisters-in-rags who tell us all about cleaning for a house of well to do hardcore guys. 

IT'S OUR 20TH EPISODE BITCH! Celebrate with Rag and Sponge in typical fashion as Sponge cleans for an aformentioned not-so-hot WASPy guy and Rag looks back on his first summer in the service industry in Provincetown. 

In this whirlwind of a month, we've time travelled from all the way back in June 2013 to this weeks episode, set in the NEARLY present day.  Join us as we reunite for the first time in months in Rag's cozy, boho trailer in Provincetown, MA, the epicenter of all things spooky and gay. The date is mid-August and it feels as though summer may never end...  While blue collar Sponge has been waiting for work in the stock-yards of NYC, Rag started over with a new life in a different service industry.  The food is expensive, the decor is quaint, the conversation is honest and someone got a sunburn/a hangover... it's a Friend Vacation y'all! Plus, find out why the pilgrims REALLY landed here first! We think the answer will TRULY surprise you.

Welcome back! This week we travel back in time once again. The time is early July 2013.  Rag had just QUIT working for Madame X and in typical fashion, under a cloud of shame and complaints. The gals disect his final days as a maid and his recent confrontations with mega wealthy psychopathatic women.  Other topics include: Gay guys in offices, Randy's GF and her sour Anna kendrick face and much more! Also featured, the first ever Real Housemaids blooper real! 

They're pretty, they're skinny, they've got a "brand new" show on Lifetime and no, I'm not talking about the Real Housemaids. Marc Cherry has gone and done it again folks. First he exposed America's housewives as Desperate and now him and false prophet Eva Longoria have appropriated Our culture and turned it into some cheap pulp fiction.  The time has come, the Housemaids are FINALLY going to weigh in on the Devious Maids "phenomenon." Recorded live from the Ace Hotel way back in June, listen in as we review the work of our distant cousins, the Hotel Maid, watch spam-like promo clips for Devious and generally discuss topics relevant to the week of June 25th. It's a real time capsule people! And our most RATCHET episode yet.  And don't forget, this month, we release a new episode every week so tune in next week for more Housemaids silliness. 

This week we unveil our new Maidland Security Advisory System. This is both a tired joke from 11 years ago and a convenient way for us to impart the grodiness levels we encounter on a daily basis. Just like the dated refference, the system goes from green to red, green being very nice houses with a very low risk of being grody, red being less attractive real estate with a very high likelihood of being completely disgusting ...Get it? 

And we're back! This week Rag and Sponge decided to go their separate ways. While Rag was away shooting a scene on location, Sponge filed papers with the NYC county clerk citing 'irreconcilable differences in cleaning style.' Let's be honest, a trial separation had been coming down the pike for a while. What with their bustling twitter, facebook AND tumblr pages, any couple would feel the pressure and scrutiny of the public eye.  Sponge just wanted a clean break. She didn't want the bucket, she didn't want a custody battle of the Murphy's oil. She just wanted out. While she wishes Rag the best, she's loving her new life out of the shadow of their relationship! Join her as she recounts her recent misadventures in Williamsburg, the 9th layer of Tribeca and more!  Rag was completely blindsided by Sponge's decision. She just woke up one morning, grabbed Murphy and it was over. While he knew Sponge had been unhappy, he thought Organic couple's counseling might save their hell-forged union. In this weeks episode, h

This weeks episode is a live audio diary of a clean we did together in a financial district loft.  Join us as we unravel the lives of a couple of non-denominational prosecutors for the US justice system and their boringly named baby.  Dell computers, John Adams (the miniseries) on Blu-Ray, first generation ipods, kahlua, world travel (books), Jeff Tweedy stuff. Their apartment was a reclaimed coke palace from some pre-pre-pre-recession golden age. We even cleaned what remained of an extremely 80's jacuzzi, perhaps still haunted by the man who must have died in it over 20 years ago... He is surely rolling (on ecstasy) in his grave knowing they've converted his former sauna into a very smelly walk-in closet.  This episode is an emotional rollercoaster ride you will surely vomit on!

Lucky number 13! This weeks episode is a love letter to our new HATER. That's right, we are finally popular enough to have exactly one hate comment and we dissect every part of that milestone. Including ourselves! As we reflect on how far we've come, a Housemaid has to wonder, are we evil? Other topics include: TAX SEASON, CALIFORNIA CLOSETS, SPRING CLEANING AND DID WE MENTION HATERS???

Welcome back! Recently, while taking in some of NYC's notorious "culture", we ran into an old prep school chum who we discovered was also IN THE BIZ. High school may be all queen-bees-and-wannabes but in the world of maids, there are no popular girls. Listen here to our leisurely chat with DUSTY, our new special West Village correspondant. We wanted to really get to know her style (cleaning and otherwise) so we did what any Diane Sawyer would do: we asked her a million questions in the vain of an US Weekly 25 Things You Didn't Know About Me column. ALSO INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE: SOME ACTUAL CLEANING TIPS. ENJOY! 

Serious Lunch (see-ree-OS LUN-ch) Noun 1. A fun lunch with your best friend that takes a serious turn. 2. When you think you're going to a casual lunch, but your bestie has something unexpected and important to get off her chest This weeks episode starts with a blues riff in the key of MAID.  Sponge lends her generous ears as Rag tells his recent tales of woe and deceit.  Lies, betrayal, court dates and redemption, all to be found in the first 20 minutes of this episode Then the maids turn their frowns upside down and welcome DR. STEVEN PHILLIPS-HORST (@gossipbabies), resident sluts-pert in for a MAJOR sex/relationship advice segment. We asked you to email, tweet and facebook us your queeries to be answered by our panel of experts and the response was overwhelmingly amazing. Thank you for your questions, we love our fans. Topics covered: Therapists, double-d's, vegan girlfriends, lesbian sex and much, much more. Sponge even touches a condom for the first time EVER.  AS ALWAYS, SEND YOUR QUESTIONS, COMMENTS

We've made it people! Episode 10! Today we look into the VERY different lives of two clients we've shared this past year.   One is the quintessential upper east side diva. An heiress of a broadway fortune, she lives out her days attending galas and dinner parties, in french castles and of course, her local hair salon. Turner classic movies quietly play out on tiny flat screens. Filipino housekeepers fold english linens. Her life was a meticulously arranged broadway production, and we cherished our time on stage with her. Then, hop the 6 train headed downtown and meet us in the storied EAST VILLAGE. The second client we dissect this week is a rail thin former model and reality tv star who spent years in funeral homes, sculpting decomposed bodies into the funeral ready mannequins you find in open caskets. Prison letters were shared, naps were taken, gothic neck collars were designed. She was a can of worms we were more than pleased to open! REMEMBER, SEND YOUR QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, PICTURES AND STORIES TO realho